7 years ago we packed up off to start over to see life outside of our safety net. I can honestly say it has been the best and the worst 7 years of my life. I gained a new perspective on life, grew up, built an incredibly strong marriage, went from a mom of one to a mom of 3. Now we are on our way home.
Shelby was laid off about 10 days ago. He is lucky and had another job offer that is taking us back home, it isn't the way we wanted this to happen it isn't all on our terms and it really just feels so unbelievably unfair. i am so happy to take a more active roll in our family again. I am sad to leave the people that have made this place home for us too. During these last 6 months so many people came through for me, gave me strength when i needed it , hurt for my son with me, and walked with me.
I could name everyone but you know who you are and I hope and pray you know what you mean to me. I don't know if I m the same kind person you have been to me but I hope someday I have the opportunity to do what you have all done for me for someone else. i feel like this doesn't get expressed well enough here but 1 January night when I was living through a personal hell a group of woman gave me hope. There is not enough words of gratitude to convey the depth of my feelings I honestly believe the world is a better happier place because you are in it. I will miss you so much.
I want to be clear here, I don't believe we are returning home defeated. Life seems to be throwing the worst at us and miraculously we are still standing. I mean I do wonder when enough will be enough but I have to look at the light because frankly my life has too much darkness. Honestly I try to put the whole job loss thing into perspective it really was hard for Shelby but we are together, we aren't going to struggle to feed our family, and we won't lose the medical insurance that is so important for our little boy right now. Don't get me wrong this does suck and I am not zen about it all the time.
I have gotten past a lot of my anger though I don't think I would say I have made it to acceptance. I see this smart, curious, loving, active child, and I can almost convince myself that DMD isn't really there, that this was all a nightmare. That is the worst the moments I forget and then he trips over his feet or something and my heart breaks all over again. Then to add the stress of relocating and making money last the way it needs too and getting in to see all his doctors, and heel cord stretches, sleep apnea, and well I am human it all pretty much makes me a little crazy.
So we go home. It is stressful and it is way more work then it should be (turns out we might have been hoarding a little) but it is still home.
