I used agonize over whether or not I should feed my kids organic food. Stress about whether or not to let them watch TV. I used to compare my parenting to everyone else. I would live for the day they were tall enough to ride a roller coaster and I used to dream about a house full of kids, spouses, and grand kids. That is all trivial crap i don't get to worry about anymore.
I understand other people still get to worry about those things and trust me I am so happy for them. having a sick child is much more then you think before you find out. Yes, it is emotionally devastating like we all suspect when it isn't our child. No one tells you how hard it is to force yourself to get through each day. How overcome w/ guilt you can become even though you didn't do this. the physical and mental stress of specialist after specialist. How emotionally devastating it is to sit through IEP. The insensitive crap people say to you that you have to be gracious about.
Please know if your biggest issue is the height of your child, high fructose corn syrup, or recurring runny noses, I don't think you wrong to worry about those things. As parents we are charged w/ raising the next generation and none of us wants to get it wrong. I am jealous of you and I really can't apologize for it anymore then you can apologize for having a healthy family.
My prospective is screwed up but that's because something really screwed up is happening to me. Every day I wake up to this grumpy little boy(not a morning person) w/ the best hugs and i look at his legs hoping his calve muscle have miraculously shrunken. I hope and pray for a cure and I force myself to be the best damn parent I can be. it is not easy and when I see someone lamenting about something trivial and every once in a while it hits a nerve,
i am not trying to play a game of my life sucks more because obviously there are varying degrees of awfulness everywhere. One persons bad day is anothers good day. My life is hard and it is scary right now. I know their are people in my life that are here for us but it is still so hard to be us right now. I feel like so many people feel a need to lecture me, think positive, gods plan, whatever else I am not getting. it's not helpful, in fact it hurts me.
I am trying so hard to find grace. to be a fighter and strong but I fail sometimes. i get angry, I get sad, and sometimes I want to run away, but I wake every day and I keep trudging through. I don't need people to judge me, I don't people to make this better for me, or people to try to make it understandable for me. All i can ask is that people understand that when i am being a bitch I have things weighing on that you maybe can't understand so just be grateful for that.
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