Okay please excuse the mushiness i am about to share in this post.
Robbie's CK levels are extraordinarily high, with the combination of this and his symptoms I feel fairly confident saying we are dealing w/ a case of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, said the doctor. I started to feel weak all over i wasn't scream and crying which even then I couldn't figure out where the calm was coming from. Shelby squeezed my hand hard and tight he was willing me to be strong through our hands. The next few minutes were a blur, his hand holding mine, the shock just running through me. Eventually they gave us a moment alone...
I sunk into his arms, "not my baby" I whispered. he held me and we cried the kind of tears you can only have in a minute like that. I looked up at him and I saw my pain in his eyes. he held me while I cried, he cried too. When i stood up I made some joke. The tension was so thick. My mom was in the waiting room. I wanted to go to her so bad but I didn't because I had to break her heart too, It was 10 minutes before they came back. We were calm and collected the rest of the conversation I can't remember. i know Shelby held my hand keeping me in the moment getting me through it. I went out to my mom, i could barely talk. I didn't really have to we all knew what they were going to say and now it was real. we were going to slowly horribly lose this sweet amazing boy.
The next few weeks passed in kind of blur, surround by our family first in Ohio then Michigan we got through those first couple of weeks. When we got home we had to learn a new way of life. I am not going to lie I was pretty useless the first 2 months. A lot of things fell to Shelby. He never judged letting me find a way to cope. He encourages my blogging telling me that I am helping him putting my words out there. He gives me strength. I could not have made it here w/o him.
I met Shelby when I was barely more then a kid. He was older, done w/ college, had an apartment, and for the first time in my life I felt smart. He always says people don't know the real me like he does. I guess that's true. I never censor what I say to him even if that something embarrasses me. In him a found a man when before I had only known boys. Our love was so true so fast a lot of people questioned it. We didn't back down and we got married quick, had kids quick, and frankly grew up together.
The news of our child's illness could have surely driven us apart. We fought a ton the first couple of months. Sometimes all you can do is yell at each other because there's no one else there. Sometimes we would be in the middle of an argument about politics or something equally stupid and we would just start laughing. Why are we fighting? I would ask and we would agree it was nothing and hug it out. I don't know what the coming years will hold but I do know the hand that will hold mine.
I am sure he's going to be super happy i have chosen to write an entire post about him. I am so in love him even now as I struggle to find happiness every day i am constantly surprised by the amount of joy just being his wife gives me. In a way this horrible disease has shown us just how deeply we love one another. I am so grateful he sent me a message on that horrible ghetto match making website. So glad we met in a steak and shake parking lot . I love you Shelby. Whatever else happens thank you for sharing this life with me.
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