Choice

There is always a choice in life.  Always a a decision that takes you one way or another.  Sometimes we make a choice and we don't even know we made it.  I  have found myself at a crossroads I didn't think i would be at but really why would anyone consider this to be a place to end up?  I have decided that I will fight.  I refuse to be powerless any longer.

I am going to do everything I can to aide funding for clinical trials, research, and treatment.  I don't just want my little boy better. I want no one to ever feel this sucker punch to the gut Shelby and I are reeling from.   It is my goal to not only blog about our journey as openly and frankly as possible but to also make a difference.

I am not going to shy away from the realities of my feelings because I do honestly feel it is helping me and it needs to be said.  I am not going focus only on the positive because I want to be honest and i think you can't have light w/o darkness. Right now I am feeling very positive for the first time in months.  We raised a lot of money this past month for 2 different organizations. I am so proud of my family and friends, and everyone that helped us accomplish this.

i still have moments of darkness, days i don't want to get out of bed.  I am still not on speaking terms w/ God and it takes everything I have not to pull over and let the church w/ the God is Always Good sign know that sometimes god isn't good.  So many people have suggested I turn God right now but I am not sure why I should when he has picked my child for this disease and that this disease even exists. I know that pretty offensive but I mean it when I say I won't sugarcoat what I feel.

I have hope again something I wasn't allowing myself to have at first.  I look at Robbie and my girls and i realize for them I must find a way to hope.  I can't just sit back and let this disease claim my child.  i am not going to accept a shortened life.

In the worst way imaginable I have found a purpose in my life. This is not the cards i wanted but it is the cards I was dealt.   i don't know how to accomplish everything I want to right now but I am going to start researching and finding it out.  My son wants to be a cowboy/police officer/fireman and he deserves a chance at his dreams.  It is my job to give him the chance.  I am ready to fight.